


Sometimes Louis thinks about Colorado

by Sisusen



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Ahh i forgot how to tag things in a smart way, Hot Tub, Louis-centric, M/M, Memories, Needy Louis, No i cant tag anymore now shit, OT5, kinda you know, um, umm, yeah that was a good tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-08
Updated: 2015-07-08
Packaged: 2018-04-08 09:19:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4299276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sisusen/pseuds/Sisusen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The five of them are having a nice quiet night, trying to wind down, in a outdoor hot tub.</p><p>Louis needs their attention.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sometimes Louis thinks about Colorado

**Author's Note:**

> This has been in my drafts for so long... Well, Zayn is in it, so at least for that long, but I assure you, it has been sleeping for a lot longer than that too. 
> 
> I wanted to make a OT5-fic but didn´t quite reach there, and then I didn´t really wanna upload the little I had, because it felt so short and unfinished... But I can´t stand the thought of just leaving it to nothing, so I´m uploading what I ´m happy with, so you´ll have to take it for what it is. A start for something that could´ve been more. 
> 
> If someone wants to finish it or continue it - be my guest! :)

Niall tipped his head back to get to the last drops in his beer bottle, and immediately fell in love with the view above him. It was a long time since he had really looked at the beauty of the world, a long time since he had had the time and serenity to really take a minute to stop and look at what really was around him. He was looking straight up in the dark sky, pitch black, he could see the stars shine so so bright in the night. The sky had been white and cloudy when they first stepped into the steaming hot tub an hour ago, the stars all blocked, not like now, it was gorgeous. The plan had been to just hang out together for a bit, wind down with the occasional beer or blunt, but as time passed, none of them felt any need to leave, not for a long time.

The blonde boy, slowly letting his hair come back to his natural, darker colour, needed to share the view, needed to share the beauty with the others. Well, of course he had to. They were his boys. The four people closest to him, and as of now, it felt like no one would ever be as close to him as they were.

"Hey... Look at the sky." he said in a low voice, tried not to ruin the feeling he had, but he could hear that he still sounded a bit like a mesmerized little boy.

Liam tilted his head against the gentle rounded edge he was resting his neck against and let out a small "Oooh..." and then said no more, just stayed there, watching, in awe, the beautiful view above him. There were thousands, or millions, or even billions?, Liam didn´t really know, stars shining down on him. It was magnificent.

Harry did the same. Looked up, fell in love with the stars and then just stared, before speaking up quietly.

"Lou." he said, nudging his boyfriend a little. His beautiful beautiful boy, seated to his right.

"Mm?", Louis answered, in the middle of the slow process of streching his arm over the tub to let Zayn place an almost burned out blunt between his thumb and index finger.

"The sky. Look at it. Didn´t you hear Niall? Look, it´s amazing." Harry said in a voice as low as Niall´s, and laced his right fingers with Louis´left as he leaned back beside him again.

Harry felt Louis tip his head back, landing on his shoulder instead of the plastic edge of the tub behind his back.

"Mm, it´s pretty Harry." Louis confirmed, and stayed with his head on the shoulder. Harry thought that there couldn´t ever come a time where Louis were better at any other place, than right next to Harry. They belonged together. Harry and Louis, Louis and Harry. They were running up to their four year anniversary in a few months, and Harry felt blessed to have his boy still, God knows there had been obstacles in their way.

Small splashes of water were to be heard, caused by Zayn making himself comfortable, letting his eyes wander the same way as the others.

"Amazing." he said, letting his dark eyes take the in the view.

A few minutes later, he voiced a question, sounding really sincere about it. "Does aliens have sex? Or have they...like, just.... stopped? I mean... Do they... just make more aliens in... laboratories instead? Or, I mean, do they enjoy sex? Or is it, like... just an animal need, and they have streamlined their lives and sex does not have a place for them anymore...?"

Nobody answered him. He didn´t seem to care.

A few minutes passed by. Nobody said anything.

Harry felt Louis hand untangle from his, and find its way to rest on his thigh instead.

"I love you", Harry whispered quietly, it was barely to be heard over the buzzing from the bubbles whirling around in the hot water.

Louis tapped Harry three times on his thigh with his finger, their silent way of saying "I love you too".

"It´s just us", Zayn continued, "and monkeys, right, that have sex just because it feels good...? That have sex in other purposes than mating? I think I read that sometimes. That´s pretty weird."

Again, nobody answered him.

Louis let his thumb caress the skin of Harry´s thigh a little. Harry closed his eyes, feeling warm and heavy, felt in an absolute perfect place right now. Louis was most likely a bit horny, Harry had learned to know the signs a long time ago, and he felt thankful for not only the black starry night sky, but for his beautiful boy, almost always so wanting, would never ever streamline sex out of their lives. Harry pushed his thigh up a bit, to meet the pressure of Louis´ hand, as to say ´I can feel you, I know you, you know where you got me.´

"Lou... Is there any left?" Zayn asked, and Louis took a last drag of the small cigarette and handed it over to is friend.

Liam got up, fetched three bottles of beer, and got back in the tub while handing beer over to Niall, Harry and opening the last one for himself.

Silence again.

It felt good, this. The five of them felt at home like this, despite not being at home. The felt at ease, in the simple and homely company of beloved friends.

Then Louis said "Sometimes I think about Colorado."

And then, again, silence.

This time, a much - much - more prominent silence.

Louis probably felt Harry´s leg twitch a little.

Sometimes Louis thinks about Colorado...? What in the world did THAT come from?

Nobody knew what to say, how to answer, how to respond. They were all probably waiting for Louis, or at least Harry, to say something more.

They had spent a lot of time in Colorado. For concerts, and for interviews, and one time, on a three days skiing trip. Thinking about Colorado could mean a lot of things. A lot of memories the five shared.

But the five knew, that there was one, and only one thing Louis meant, by saying that.

They waited. It was hard to label the ambiance between them all. It had changed, that was a fact. But. To what?

Then Harry spoke.

"What do you think then? When you... think about Colorado?"

Liams stomach made a little flip. Oh dear God, what´s happening? he thought to himself. Maybe it was the beer making him bold, or just the late hour, but he turned his body to face Louis, stared right at him, waiting for an answer. Felt almost the need to demand an answer, Louis couldn´t just go around blurting that stuff out without explaining himself.

He could see that Niall and Zayn had lifted their heads from the edge of the tub, patiently, maybe nervously - it couldn´t be hopefully? - awaiting an explanation.

Louis didn´t follow the crowd - did he ever? - but instead laid back, resting his head against the warm white plastic behind him.

"I think..." he started. And then he fell silent again.

After a minute or two, Harry quietly said "Babe", prompting Louis to keep talking, to not leave the boys hanging. They all needed to know what was happening here.

Louis inhaled, paused for a second and then mumbled his words. "Well, I... sometimes I miss it. You know, how close we became, the five of us. How we could rely on each other, always. How we all got so lost in each other in every way, while just sort of holding on for dear life while X-factor happened. You know?" Louis said, not addressing the ending question to anyone in particular, but all four of them. "I miss how we were in some kind of symbiosis, always talking, getting to know more and more of each other, always touching, letting out steam for and with each other. How we turned to each other, for whatever we needed. There were like, no boundaries, we were there for each other, for everything. It´s... different now. I miss it. I miss you guys. And Colorado... It just... It was just a... perfect night. The perfect night. And I just miss it. All those things. You know."

Louis fell silent.

Harry calmly had a sip of his bear.

Zayn cleared his throat but didn´t say or do anything else.

Niall didn´t have a fucking clue what to think of it all.

Then Liam spoke. "I miss it too." he said quietly, and immediately frowned, looking like he regret what he said. He squirmed uncomfortable in his seat and looked down on the small bubbles covering the surface in the pool. "I mean. I mean... Ah, shit, I don´t know what I mean..." he tried to sum it up and then stopped talking, feeling embarrassed and confused. He threw a quick glance at Zayn, didn´t expect him to really pay attention to him or to the confused words he just had uttered, but kind of did anyway. And, well, there he was. That intense look, those almost black eyes, staring right at him. Liam swallowed. Shit.

There had been such a long time since he allowed himself to think about Zayn - in that way - such a long time since he had thought about how they had found that perfect comfort in each other in the very beginning. Now, from what Louis had started ranting about, from the beer, from the heat of the pool and from the beautiful night, it all came rushing back at him.

He swallowed again, kept his gaze locked with Zayn´s, and with the slightest motion he slowly shook his head, trying to talk to his friend through eyes and body language. He tried to say ´No, please, listen to me. Shut it all down please, don´t let it all come into my life again. You have Perrie, I have Sophia. Please, leave the memories as memories. I couldn´t stand getting you back for a moment, only to have to let you go again.´

Zayn´s intense look at Liam seemed to relent a bit, and Liam felt thankful. Zayn understood. He got Liam, he had always gotten him, seeing through all his quiet, nervous and insecure layers, seeing his very core and respecting him.

Liam had for a moment felt trapped, chased, really really stressed by his own thoughts and memories and the fear of Zayn for a moment wanting to get back to what once had been, but a calm feeling were spreading in his body now. Sweet sweet Zayn, his Zayn, he let him go when he needed to. He had given him what he needed all those years ago, and he´s doing it again, by losen his grip. Liam loved Zayn. But not more than as a friend, not anymore.

They were both with their girls now.

But suddenly Louis spoke again. And the words that he uttered made Liam freeze. He couldn´t really believe what he heard, but all the same he could so clearly see Louis doing this, saying this, showing the four all of his urges. It shouldn´t surprise him, really. Louis took what Louis needed, and Louis often needed attention, preferably physical.

Not like this though.

At least, not as Liam interpreted his words this night.

Because in a low voice, an almost frustrated sigh hidden beneath, Louis said to them, "I just need to be touched."

At those words, Harry closed his eyes, Liam couldn´t tell what possibly went through that dark curly head of his. Harry kept his eyes closed while Louis carefully squirmed against Harry´s body, frustrated, his eyelids fluttering.

Liam didn´t know why Harry just didn´t do something. "Please..." Louis added in a small voice when nothing, absolutely nothing happened, from any of the four.

Liam wanted to scream to Harry ´But just do someting! Touch him! He needs it!" but at the same time he knew what Harry was waiting for. It wasn´t Harry´s touch that Louis needed. Louis had Harry´s touch already, he had had it for almost four years now. He didn´t need that tonight, but he needed what he once had, what once used to be. He needed that heat again, those curious, assuring and sweet touches that once had made them all so hot and tingly and satisfied.

But Liam wouldn´t do it, give Louis what he needed. He just couldn´t.

This wasn´t 2010 anymore, they weren´t young, naive, high-on-life, X-factor contestants anymore. They had grown up, a heck of a bit, they had lives outside the symbiosis of One Direction. Life didn´t work like this, life didn´t just throw people back four years to explore eachother again.

It just didn´t work that way. He almost couldn´t look at Louis, he looked so anguished, so wanting, leaning against Harry, closing his eyes and opening them again, frustrated moving a little against the wet, tattoo covered body of his boyfriend.

Then Niall left his seat. Liam felt it like he was in a dream. Niall placed himself on his knees in the middle of the pool, in front of Louis and Harry and said "Babe, come here.", holding out his hand.

A relief flamed in Louis eyes and he did what Niall had asked. He left Harry´s touch, took the hand waiting for him, and while still feeling his boyfriend´s knees at the back of his body, he came to meet Niall, also standing on his knees. He let Niall put his hands on each side of his face, and the next second, their lips met.

It was like a heavy weight had been lifted from Louis chest, it was like he could start breathing again, he felt lighter and lighter by every second passing, by every breath they shared between one another. He met Niall´s lips over and over again, their tongues found eachother, and damn, if it didn´t feel exactly as good as it did all those years ago.

Liam watched the two carefully from his seat, couldn´t quite pinpoint what he was feeling. It felt weird seeing them like that, the obvious satisfaction in Louis, and in Niall, the honest want to please. It was nothing he hadn´t seen before, not even something he hadn´t experienced before. But. He was still so hesitant. This wasn´t for now. This has happened years ago, they had moved passed it. It wasn´t for now. They had their real lives now.

He shot a quick glance at Zayn. He was watching Louis and Niall, but as soon as Liam looked at him, he focused on him instead. Liam looked away. Suddenly it felt suffocating, sitting in that hot pool, having two of his best friends kissing in front of him, so close to him that he could reach out and touch them without any effort. And Zayn. Also one of his best friends. Sitting so close to him in the water, that sometimes Liam´s left foot touched Zayn´s, before hastily withdrawing again, tensing up a bit before focusing on enjoying the relaxing comfort of the pool.

Liam averted his eyes to look at Louis and Niall again, then he let his gaze wander to Harry - who watched the couple intensely - and then he looked over Harry´s shoulder towards the patio doors leading into his room. He couldn´t really focus on anything, he didn´t know where to look, he was still feeling so uncomfortable. Everything and everyone felt kinda intimidating and he felt almost trapped. With a knuckle whitening grip on the backrest, he heaved himself up, to sit on the edge of the tub instead. The chilly night worked miracles on his unease and he felt he could relax a little again. He looked down on his knees, tried to follow the small bubbles whirling around his legs but gave up soon enough. Without even looking, he could tell Zayn was still watching him and it was strenous. He felt a need to tell him to stop, to tell him ´no, not again´. He had a heavy feeling in his gut, even thinking about saying it, but this - whatever this all was, going on in this godforsaken tub right now - couldn´t go on, at least not with him involved.

Mentally, he urged himself to just say it, explain that he didn´t feel comfortable, tell the boys he loved them, but that there are limits, now, for him.

But that´s when Zayn decided to reach out with his hand to him. Like Niall had done with Louis. Liam turned his head and stared at the hand, wet from the water, and almost bare looking, compared to his other, tattooed one.

He wanted to question the move, felt like he wanted to look incredulous to it, but he felt that it´d just be a waste of time and a maybe a bit waste of pride. He knew was Zayn was trying to say, of course he did. And Zayn knew that Liam knew what he wanted to say.

He needed to cut straight to the case. Feeling his skin already start to prickle from the cold, he slid down into the water again, while trying to hold a steady gaze on Zayn. "No." he started, forcing a crooked smile. With two fingers, he scooted Zayn´s hand away, carefully directing it down under the surface again, making a physical statement. "No." he repeated. "I can´t do... anything. It´s... Y´know, I´ve got Soph now. It´s... No, I can´t."

"But you can." Zain said calmly, not seeming too affected by Liam´s words.

Liam looked down.

And then straight at Zayn again. "No Z, I can´t. It´s... It´s just not like that. Not with... Not you. I can´t."

"She lets you." Zayn said.

Liam swallowed. If Zayn could please do him the honor of shutting the eff up, his life would be so much easier right now. For some reason, it felt like his body and brain were detaching by the second and he were not at all comfortable with it. His brain were screaming no no no and at the same time, he felt all the memories of Zayn´s hands and lips over his body coming back, rushing back fast fast, and was terrifying.

He could feel his smile falter and realized he probably started to lose the insignificant look of determination he had faked from the start. It was time to beg instead. He knew that Zayn wouldn´t ever force him to do something he didn´t want. At the same time though, he knew that he without hesitation could force him to do something he DID want. Even when he couldn´t admit it for himself. But that was a problem for later.

"Zayn..." he just mumbled, unable to say anything more, he felt like he was caught with his hand in a cookie jar, for every second passing by, he felt more and more like a fraud.

"I´m not gonna make you do anything you don´t want to. You know that." Zayn said.

Liam didn´t answer, and he didn´t meet Zayn´s eyes. He tried to stop his breaths come out so heavy. In the back of his head he thought to himself that the sound was the sound of his sanity leaving him.

"...but you know she lets you. And I think you want to."

The words hit Liam like a punch in the stomach.

He bit his lip, hard, forcing himself to stay still, not do anything hasty.

And tried to explain "But, it´s girls... I can... With girls." he mumbled.

"Yeah, I know. Do you want other girls?" Zayn asked.

Liam looked up, shaking his head. No. No, absolutely not. He could never see himself with another girl than Sophia. Never, it didn´t matter how many time she kissed him each and every time he was going away, assuring him that it was ok. He could never.

"Do you miss me?" Zayn asked then, and Liam honestly just wanted to get up from his seat and punch him, hit that perfect nose, see those beautiful eyes close from the impact, and just HURT him. How the fuck could he ask him that?

He growled the question, in a low voice not to disturb the others.

"Because I miss you", Zayn said. That was not the answer to Liam´s question. That was just a continuation of his own.

Liam started to feel really angry, he felt almost assaulted. "The fuck, Zayn!" he hissed. "No. Don´t!".

It felt like Zayn had hit the absolutely right spot. Of course Liam missed him. Of fucking course he did. Liam almost never got really upset over things, but now he felt waves of anger rushing through him. He refused to see why he felt so attacked, so accused, he just let his anger pulse through him. In some way it felt good, it was a good feeling, letting himself FEEL something for Zayn again, instead of just having him as a friend, always on the right side of the limits, never reaching out too far, never being able to have him close like he used to. He clenched his jaws, feeling the fury flare inside him, somewhat pained by it, but still reveling in it.

"Hey." Zayn said, and the next second he was in front of Liam. Sitting on his knees, so only his head and the top of his shoulders was above the surface. He was looking up at Liam. Liam looked away.

"Li. Look at me." Zayn said.

With jaws still clenched, and eyes intensely focused on a tree next to the tub, Liam answered "I can´t. I won´t."

Zayn put his hands on Liam´s knees. "Hey. Liam, love." he said.

"Take your hands off of me. Please. I don´t want you." Liam said, feeling like it was the biggest lie he had ever told, and honestly, it probably was.

Zayn didn´t say anything, but didn´t remove his hands either.

Now Liam had to beg again. The anger had disappeared, and what was left was Liam with almost no power to deny himself for very much longer.

"Zayn..." was the only thing he could get out, and it was in a soft, resigning voice. He was about to surrender. His hands ached to glide over Zayn´s skin once again, his fingertips itched to trace his tattoos, touch the tender skin on his neck, feel his nipples stiffen from the lightest of touches. He couldn´t let himself think about what his lips were longing for.

With closed eyes, he said "I miss you. Zayn. Fuck, I miss you."

An almost impalpable twitch in Zayn´s hands sent sharp jolts through Liam´s entire body, but other than that Zayn didn´t do or say anything. Liam wanted to get angry again, wanted to let the wrath spread in his body, due to Zayn´s perfect ability to wait for Liam, and to give him the space and time he needed, but the feeling didn´t come back. All he could feel was patience from his friend. Respect. Love.

"Zayn..." he mumbled, in a low voice, a bit lightheaded from the panic rising in him. He couldn´t, could he? He had missed him so much. But Soph... ´She lets you´, Liam could hear Zayn´s voice echo inside him, over and over again.

"Zayn..." he mumbled again.

"I´m here babe." Zayn answered quietly.

And that was when Louis groaned, loud and fervently, with Niall´s mouth tighly attached to his throat - Liam could only guess where his hands were - and without even try to rethink, he pushed himself off of the underwater bench, put his arms and legs around Zayn and at last let their lips meet.

Three years! It had three years since this had happened last. Somewhere far away in his mind, Liam remembered it like sweeter then, calmer, a bit more erotic, between the touches from each other and the other three. This kiss was nothing but a frantic need to taste each other again, almost an egocentric chase after satisfaction by using the other person, as well as eagerly tasting them again. For each kiss, each sweet drag from Zayn´s toungue on Liam´s, Liam´s own boundaries against Zayn were torn down, and by the time Louis with a almost agonized look on his face panted "Niall... Niall... Fuck, Niall!", Liam was gone, far far away in Zayn-land. His girl was still his, and he was hers. But tonight, Zayn and the others was his only focus, and the sounds of Louis reaching climax sounded like nothing but God-sent and perfect and amazing and Liam couldn´t see how he ever would live a life again, where he were stopping himself to kiss Zayn.

...

"Okay, no. Shit. This really went dirty quicker than I had dared to hope for, sorry. I hope they change the water before the next guests arrive. Should we say anything, you think? No, we can´t, seriously, no, they HAVE to change the water, it´s disgusting if they don´t, right?", Louis rambled on, while huddling the other four out of the tub, like a heap of sheeps. Harry giggled, Niall had a bit shocked, yet pleased look on his face and Liam just followed Zayn with somewhat hooded eyes, holding his hand and not wanting to let go for a very long time.

...

They hit the shower, one after another, and then bundled up in robes, big towels and blankets on the bed in the suite´s master bedroom. Harry leaned back comfortably against about three hundred pillows tucked in underneath the covers, really just awaiting following events. Liam made himself comfortable on Harry´s left side, and Zayn sat himself down in front of Liam, his right foot still on the floor, and his left foot tucked in underneath him. He searched for Liam´s attention, but the the browned eyed man resfused to meet his gaze. Zayn felt a small sting of irritation, felt an almost childish need to be noticed by Liam, but he didn´t move a muscle, kept his eyes trained on Harry and Niall, who was climbing into the bed, positioning himself on Harry´s right side.

Zayn was positive they had had some kind of break through in the hot tub, they had fucking kissed! and now this. Zayn was frustrated but didn´t let that on. He just sat still and turned a bit to focus on the others instead. Two could honestly play this game or whatever he could possibly call it.

Niall turned on the tv, zapped for a minute and then settled for some cooking show. Louis took a step up on the bed as the last of the five, and placed himself in the middle.

"Food, huh?" Louis smirked, looking at Niall. Louis looked as confident as ever, not a trace from that needy boy they all had experienced in the tub just a little while ago. "You wanna order room service or is this enough to keep you at bay for the night?" he asked the Irish lad.

"You wanna continue it? What happened in the tub?" Niall asked, as an only response on the food comment.

Louis smile haltered a bit, he looked down, but then immediately up again, a confident smile plastered on his face. "Naah, I´m good. I mean, if you lot wanna get on with stuff, I am not the one to put a stop for it, but I´m good. Thanks for it by the way. Good handiwork right there."

Niall still didn´t smile, deliberately refusing to catch up on the mood Louis tried to set. Instead he cocked his head, bit the inside of his cheek for a second, hastily looked at Harry and then at Louis again, before saying "We can touch you some more, if you want to?"

Louis whole body stilled. There were almost always some bodypart of him that moved, a foot bouncing up and down, a hand tapping a pen on a table, or him fixing his fringe. But now, he just went still. No smile anymore either. No confident body language. Just him, there, in the middle of the bed, literally naked with only a towel around his hips, motionless.

Suddenly he looked very honest and bare. A few seconds passed, and then he quietly answered "Yes."

The very small word, uttered in a very small voice, set something on fire inside of Harry, and he instantly leaned forward, let his hands glide over Louis just dried skin, he was so in love with this boy it almost hurt. His hands moved almost on their own, one second lightly stroking the skin, and the next second squeezing the soft flesh presented in front of him, followed by a light scratch with his nails, the way he knew Louis loved.

"Yeah?" Niall said, and offered Louis a friendly smile.

Louis nodded and looked down. He swallowed and tried not to work up a barrier consisting of jokes and banter, tried hard to stay vulnerable in front of his friends and Harry. He needed it, and they probably needed it aswell. Needed to feel that he could be honest with them, they had been trough so much, it would be disrespectful to try to joke this away.

Niall reached out with his hand and gently caressed Louis´ right arm, the side of his body that Harry couldn´t reach. Louis closed his eyes, reveling in the feeling. A warm, steady hand were placed on his thigh and he would say it was Zayn saying that he was there aswell.

"What do you want then?" Niall asked softly, absentmindedly playing with a few wet strands of hair in the back of Louis´ neck.

"More touches..." Louis tried to explain. He didn´t actually know exactly what he wanted, but when he felt Harry scooting closer, Niall following suit, and Zayn´s - probably - grip harden a bit on his leg, he felt that they moved on instinct and it ended up being exactly what he was longing for. It wasn´t even much he needed, it was just... closeness. From his boys.

**Author's Note:**

> Ahh shit, sorry, as I said, this is all I have, it was supposed to be more, and definitely OT5, but I lost it somewhere along the way. 
> 
> I had written a little bit more at the end, where Zayn "offers himself" to Louis to make Liam jealous, and succeeding.... But... naah... I took it out, this had to end here. 
> 
> Hope you liked it, the piece I managed to finish. :)


End file.
